Attention: Some sense of humour required.
Who remembers this movie? Hair gel anyone? 😏
There's just no one magic solution for every woman. All of them are different in their own way. All of them are valuable, and all of them can teach you something valuable. Which makes it interesting, but also a bit of a challenge since every one values different things. Trying to express this as a mathematical formula is not even possible. I would almost call it a Random() function, but you can nearly almost pigeonhole people into where they are from. Recently I started to use this dating app called Bumble, which I am rather surprised, is on the stock market symbol BMBL. Anyway what I've noticed is that all these dating apps seem to make looks the first thing you should ever care about in the beginning. Not that's anything new. And now I'm not saying that looks is not important, but perhaps there should just be some check marks to pass in the beginning and not some magic perfect score of all check marks to aim for. Me for example, all I'm looking for is someone not fat horizontally challenged, kind of normal (have a job, no crazy addictions, no smoking), and I can have like a normal conversation, be passionate about something (anything!), banter and just start from there. What I'm asking for is just like a laundry list of what I would term normal. It's only my personal opinion, but you know my standards have really dropped since when I was a teenager I thought I would be going out with Buffy.
My teenage crush standard. Where can I find a vampire slayer? Thanks Kat for reminding me.
Unfortunately it's like people can't even look after themselves nowadays. If you are unable to even look after yourself how are you going to look after someone else? Everyone should just strive to be the person that everyone wants, and not just look for the person that they want (Love is about being pleasant... words of wisdom from Sadhguru). Perhaps have some intelligence too would be nice. Not so biased in everything and have the ability to accept different viewpoints. It's perfectly okay to disagree with what someone says, but also be accepting of them. Every person is unique and has their own view points, from their upbringing and surroundings, therefore you should be mindful. Being open-minded is a sign of intelligence. Asking questions about the other person, especially when they're different from you, will broaden your mind and thinking. Which I think is why I kind of like to move around and live with people who think with a different mindset. People tend to kind of stick to the familiar, for example, the majority of people who marry the same race since cultural and language norms are already fully established, therefore you kind of know what to expect in such a relationship. Comfort is easy. Breaking traditional norms, much more difficult. Much more brain work, and much more conscientious required. Another example that is applicable is something like.. financial habits. If you're a complete spendthrift and find someone else similar in that area, it can spell disaster in the long run. But I don't think people often think about these things. They're just thinking "it's going to work out" magically somehow (during the honeymoon period of being consumed by the initial euphoria of attraction), which of course is never the case. Also if you're religious and find someone else who is religious like you are? Well I think religious is completely ridiculous since it kind of makes you believe there's some other life where you will be saved, instead of living in your current life, you're focused on getting to the "after life", but I am digressing.
I don't think even having a romantic connection in the first date is even a must, since I strongly believe that can grow over time (if you asked me this 20 years ago I would have completely disagreed with myself). Actually I believe having a romantic connection in the first date would put you at a strong disadvantage, since then your judgement will be clouded, you will be justifying everything based on them being attractive to you, you might accept some flaws about them which you would not otherwise in a more regular state of mind. After all really the aim of evolution is to propagate the species, so what better option than to be attractive on the first date and totally cloud the other person's judgement? It has already been proven through science that what you feel in the beginning of a relationship, will not last throughout time. Since the feelings you experience in the beginning will point you in the direction of... should I say, reproducing. I think my first girlfriend I grew to love her over time, which I believe formed a stronger bond. Even I have fallen prey to this sort of behaviour, once I met a girl, who I believed if she became my girlfriend, would totally complete my life because I considered her to be so so beautiful (like the most beautiful girl) at that time. Of course time proved I was completely wrong. And today obviously those feelings have faded away. I think humans when it comes to finding a partner need to kind of reprogram their choosing algorithm. Because over time what you're really looking for, is water in your body and not alcohol. Yes, alcohol might seem really great now. Or the next few days. Maybe even the next few weeks. But what you really need is water. Think of any kind of impulsive purchase you made before, and think of them after the fact. Now it might seem like a rather foolish purchase, does it not? I think... you should really find someone who can be your best friend for life and love them over time. In the end our looks are going to fade away. That's just time and biology doing its job. 10 years later the person you look at, isn't going to be the same. That's for certain. Everyone knows it. But the essence of the person, that usually doesn't change. So what you really need to look for, is the essence of a person. But I know what I'm saying is probably not what people would mostly agree to since the way we choose a partner isn't necessarily scientific or require deep thought. And perhaps that's the plan of nature all along.
So if I were to design a dating app, I would:
- Make everyone who agree to go on the app, go on at least 5 dates with the same person. Why? Well, yes first impressions do matter, but they might also be completely wrong. The person might have a bad day and somehow behave badly. Or have... women problems, and therefore be in a bad mood. Timing is everything really. If both parties are in a good mood, the odds are much higher than if a person's in a not so great mood. And that's just true in general of everything, I could be like the worst looking guy on Earth but if I can make the girl who I'm with feel good a lot of time she would either consciously or unconsciously associate me with her feeling great, whether she realises this or not, and she'll want to be with me (I know this for a fact, as I've been told directly!). And the opposite is also true, if she feels bad, you could still be the greatest looking guy in the universe, but that's going to do diddly squat because of the negative association.
Imagine going on a date thinking about the grim reaper all the time. Terror is assured.
Sometimes it really is about timing. Think of all the job interviews, you've ever had, and didn't you feel like you didn't get a fair chance when you didn't make it past the first interview? Funnily enough when I was interviewing with booking.com (the website) several hours ago I made it to the final interview, with the precursor to the final interview an interview with these 2 guys. A few years later, I had the *exact* same interview with these 2 guys and I didn't make it to the final interview. So yes timing does play a part. Mood plays a part. Luck in life in general is understated. At least with several interviews the person will have a better idea of who you are. Also you might be able to improve if you knew what you did wrong. At least that's me personally. Now I'm not saying that it has to be 5, but I'm saying it should be definitely more than a few. Give both sides a chance. Actually, just give love a chance dammit. 😂 If arranged marriages work, despite both people having not met much before, then surely this can improve the odds of a couple being matched. Heck if not for my grandfather's arranged marriage I would have literally never been born.
- Have some kind of mechanism within the app to "balance you out", like yin and yang. So instead of dating someone very similar to you, I think there should be some differences to balance out some attributes. Maybe you're an extrovert and talk a lot. Well I can't imagine both extroverts talking all the same time. That could work. I just don't know, but it sounds like a zoo. Of course this is going to easier said than done. If I were to date someone similar to myself I just wouldn't grow as a person. Might be fun for a while since we think the same all the time but over the long run it's just not going to work, I would be bored. But I also believe it's good to have some dealbreaker. For me that's smoking. Smoking just turns the most beautiful person into the worst. Like a girl I met before, I would have dated her if she didn't bloody smoke, but she does so alas she's only a friend. It's fine she's found someone else... obviously not as good as I am but well that's just life.
- Make everyone do the 5 love languages test. How does one "express love" per se. Like what is important to you in romantic love. It makes it easier for you to understand your partner's needs. Mine is quality time. Some people like gifts, I don't, since I have too much junk, so if anyone wants my junk (if you can get the joke hahaha) tell me I'll be happy to send it to you.
Look if you somehow did find a perfect person (at least visually) I can guarantee that other people have probably also looked at them and therefore you're already barking up a super populated tree, and if so why would they pick you unless you're completely perfect too, it's only logical. What you really want is to find someone who has the potential to be better than what they are presently. If you did find a perfect person, guess what, the only route is downhill from there. You will know everything about them, there is already zero challenge, it will not be interesting nor exciting. And remember what I said about looks? What you need right now, is not what you need for long term. People don't even know what they will consume next week yet somehow can reliably predict who they want for the rest of their lives. If people did make great partner choices then the divorce rates would be near 0% but they're most definitely not, and therefore it's a costly decision since time is something you cannot take back. I think Hollywood has romanticised the idea of marriage, the idea of "happily ever after" sounds amazing but that's never the case in any kind of realistic scenario. Every thing in life, any kind of achievement, that is worth doing or maintaining needs constant work and struggle. It's the worst of times where a relationship is put through the test, as with anything.
But perhaps this is something that will take a long time to solve. Perhaps never, since humans will never be perfect in their thinking. I would like to think it could be solved optimally though. But maybe I am just a dreamer.
No comments:
Post a Comment